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Attachment & Adulthood
About this weeks topic
This week we are beginning the second module on love and relationships with diving into the theme of attachment. Attachment is at the same time a fundamental philosophical concept, as it is a painful developmental injury of our capacity to relate to others as well as our own needs.
This weeks videos
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Reach out to the team: team@theinstitute.one
Recommended Reading & MAterials
This weeks Exercises & Homework
This week is mostly a continuation of the trauma awareness we have begun in lecture 3.
Goals
1. Becoming aware of moments where your emotional states feel inappropriate to your actual contect in relational situations
2. Notice what happens when you focus on creating more resources in those moments through self-regulation and connection, and how the experience shifts if you allow yourself to feel the emotions in your body instead of letting them hijack your relationship
Exercises
Starting to build a relationship to the parts that have split off from our sense of self is a long journey. These parts don't have names and they don't come with contextual, explicit information. They only have emotional states, bodily sensations and implicit perceptions, as well as expectations and predictions.
Connecting to them requires attention, sensitivity, patience and compassion. They are younger than us, and often in a state of mistrust. It is similar to building a relationship to a scared child.
Our first job is to create safety for them, which means creating safety for ourselves. Then we can approach them with curiosity and the willingness to feel what they feel, allowing what was too much to be felt by your present self that has more capacity and connection. Ideally you bring these parts not just into connection with yourself but also allow them to be there when you relate to others.
Through continuous inquiry into their felt experience, the openness to let those emotions move through your body, and new contextual information these parts can become integrated parts of a whole sense of self again. This requires time, so don't expect big breakthroughs immediately, but open to a long journey of re-connecting to your self.
Follow the following reminders to build a practice of trauma awareness for yourself:
- Continue building a routine of deep breaths, somatic awareness, and self-regulation
- Become aware of implicit memories merging with your present moment experience when you're triggered or relational needs aren't met
- How do these memories live in your body? What are the bodily sensations and movement impulses you notice? What happens if you name this part in relationship to others and name their sensations as your own?
- Can you pick up a sense of self that feels different? How old does that part feel? What is the perspective on safety of that part? Is there a nervous system state connected to that part?
- Create a map of your parts that you can keep extending. Be creative, paint, write, or journal!
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